Bonn Voyage : Living the Moment

Reminiscing that horrid day still gives me jitters, when one of my closest friend called me and told me he is diagnosed with a schwannoma in his trigeminal nerve. Since the tumor was so big that doctors have to perform an open brain surgery. This is the biggest surgery one can get nowadays. Terrified to my bones, and apart from my procrastination and apathy, I went to see him. Just before a night from the operation, we all were sitting in the waiting area, making fun, playing “who can throw the paper ball in the bin”, and stuff. There wasn't any glint of apprehension in his eyes. He took it so well, in fact anyone would easily be deceived with his attitude that he is having an appendix removal or hernia operation instead of an open brain surgery. With all his wits, he showed me a piece of paper, where the repercussions of the surgery were mentioned. Among death , paralysis , loss of vision etc , the most troublesome was “personality disorder”. I guess that troubled him the most because everything else was evident and self explanatory, only “personality disorder” was a vague term.

But, I know exactly what was going through his mind then. The surgery didn't affect him physically that much as it did mentally. I haven’t seen such a lively person, always enjoying the life to its fullest. But surgery has shattered his confidence, his liveliness. Life consists of many finite little moments, in struggle of making our future lustrous , we forget to live these precious moments. In the end we end up with regrets for past and unfulfilled expectations for future. But some people live in the moment, my friend belongs to that group, he has this wonderful , “happy go lucky,fuck the world” attitude which I always envied. I wish soon he starts to live the moments again.

Bonn Voyage : Ignorance is not a bliss

Bigotry, self righteousness are the traits common in most of the people, but setting national pride aside, I have noticed we are specially gifted in these. Argumentation and debate arises when we try to judge others in the mirror of ourselves. We lack the ability of letting our self go, and for once try to understand the phenomena without involving any “me” in it. Finding one whose reflection is same as yours is nearly impossible. But the thing that saddens me most is that we allow our preconceived notions to block any access of new ideas, its not that one should accept them out rightly, but we even don’t bother to invest any time to find out whether they hold any water or not. This habit of procrastinating has made us in an ignorant nation, where I am proponent of the premise that “reasons can’t stand for feelings”, but for us it’s true in every wrong way.  

Bonn Voyage: Close Encounter,,,

It’s been more than 60 years since the fall of Third Reich, more than 20 since unification; no doubt that Deutschland has resurrected itself from mere ashes. But in the process, instead of eliminating the racism and hatred, it has suppressed it. I am a skilled professional, doing my masters in one of the most prestigious universities of Germany. Whose legacy holds 7 Nobel laureates, including the only German economist to win one. Not only that I am working at one of the biggest research institute of Europe. I am writing this not in brag but in the context of personal humiliation and utter mental distress. Well today, coming back from a friend’s place, I was encountered by a typical German teenager. I guess he hasn’t seen the door of a university ever, or hasn’t heard the last movement of Beethoven’s Choral, where he orchestrated the finest words advocating fraternity and brotherhood. “Alle Menschen werden Bruder”, just remain words for me now, as the bantering and racist remarks bestowed on me, murders the gist of these beautiful words.

Bonn Voyage : Acceptance

One thing that I have learned is that the basic impetus of human behavior is “acceptance”. We all as conscious beings, thrive for gaining the acceptance of others. In a sense we all live in the consciousness of others, with all our idiosyncrasies, we give ourselves to others for judgment, for their approval and acceptance. This acceptance makes us complete, and fail to gain one, makes us sullen. The emptiness prevails in the failure of gaining other’s acceptance. For this we guise in sweetness, or wear the cloak which suites others. And this morbid fascination grows, molding our behaviors and personalities. But the thing which is most common in the people I met here, and no shame of accepting it myself, the acceptance of opposite gender is most satisfying. I have seen egos succumbing, self proclaimed rules defying, and people kneeling down just for been accepted. Well once I was lingering for that too, but now ain't gonna listen to song of sirens. As I have concluded first one should seek acceptance within.